prayer I

days get up before me
a slow start
when things could explode or go broken
I tap into faith
a leap a skip
to joy

the sun revolves under my skin
treasures sprinkled in the sand
to breathe
commune
I keep on finding the golden thread
her divine face greets me in the most unexpected places
I see
synchronicity
on every corner of my eyes

I sing my stories as I weave reality
my precious loom of creativity
I kiss this day and close the windows
pulling a blanket over my feet

Tínhamos onze ou doze.
Naquela manhã lhe tiraram da sala de aula e eu fui junto, acho que algumas outras meninas também. Saímos juntas do colégio, atravessando a pé as praças do centro da cidade. Subimos as escadas da casa da avó.
As janelas abertas.
Não lembro se estava nublado ou sol, mas fazia escuro lá dentro. Uma sobriedade que eu desconhecia até então, o ar denso e aquático. Acho que ela usava os shorts do colégio.
Deitado elegante no caixão, o rosto pálido e magro, chumaços de algodão nas narinas e ouvidos. Foi meu primeiro contato com a morte. Eu observava quieta, confusa, curiosidade, medo, fascínio e desespero.
Ela chegou com o rosto incompreensível, coberta de lágrimas invisíveis – e num gesto rápido e cuidadoso, pegou a mão do avô de maneira muito comovente. Ali estava, então, a presença do inescrutável, enquanto ele sussurrava pelos dedos coisas que eu não podia ouvir, e se ouvisse não entenderia. Como se, naquele instante, ela passasse a compreender algum mistério da morte que eu desconhecia, como tudo o mais sobre ela.

pisces rising

When Pisces is rising there is an inherent challenge around knowing how to project the self outward. The need to present a solid sense of individuality is at odds with the fluid and elusive qualities of this sign. In Pisces, the urge is to encourage dissolution of seperateness, and the transcendence of ego boundaries. In essence, how can I project any form when the form I feel I am is so open to change? For this reason many people with Pisces rising find it hard to define a path in life or to know what it is they want to do. Often they will fall in with whatever the most dominant influence suggests, even if it does not really make then happy. Learning to listen to the voice of inspiration, in the form of intuition, is likely to be your best guide.

This dilemma needs be resolved by developing a personality that is not devoid of the awareness of being part of something greater than the self. You will find your individuality by seeing yourself as part of something greater than your self. This may seem like a paradox, and many with Pisces rising will cope by “shape-shifting” or adopting a form appropriate to whatever is going on around them. You may change your personality to adapt to the group of people around you, or have a sense that no-one really knows who you are because the image you project keeps changing. You may find yourself taking on others personalities and attitudes, and find that you can change into, or become, whatever they want you to be. This is great if you are an actor, but makes interacting with the real world somewhat problematic. Discovering the essence of who you are as an individual, and then developing that is essential for your growth and happiness. Thus, a delicate balance between rigidity and fluidity, between adapting to others and asserting the self must be found. This will come about by accepting your sensitive and imaginative nature.

Pisces rising people are often very creative, and can be inspired, artistic types. There is often a great sensitivity to the imaginal realms that allows fantastical visions to unfold and find form. With this sign rising you may have a real interest in film, photography, drama, dance or any kind of highly visual and imaginative form of self-expression. Developing these talents helps to find the essence of who you are in the world. Working with your sensitivity and emotions is the best approach to life. There may also be a great capacity to act with compassion toward others, so that the life is dedicated to service. Thus many Pisces rising folks will be interested in working with the sick, the frail or the needy, for this gives you an outlet to express your deep sense of compassion. Or you may be drawn to some kind of therapy or counselling work. Usually, there is a continual attunement to the super conscious or expanded levels of awareness that infiltrates and dictates much of the decisions made in life. Sacrifice of the personal will is required in every instance. Yet learning when to give of the self, and when to hold back for your own health and well-being can be a constant challenge. Your nature is to give of your self from the essence of who you are, yet the trick is learning not to take this to an extreme end, in which case giving away the self opens the door for others to take advantage you. Some Pisces rising folk may have trouble coping with their sensitivity and so, the realities of life. In this instance, they may find themselves somehow enacting the role of the victim or the weak one who needs to be rescued and saved. In this way, dealing with reality head-on is avoided. There may be a subconscious belief that they are too vulnerable to cope, or that someone else should do it for them. Others deal with life by seeking a means of escape. In this case, escape will be sought via drugs, alcohol, illness and even madness. Often, this rising sign flows with whatever is happening, and allows external events to happen to them. This can be problematic if the Pisces rising person falls into some form of victim, fragile or escapist state. There is often a love of indulgence that links itself easily to the desire to escape from the confines of life. Excess emotions, impulses and appetites may take over the psyche if the boundaries are too loose, leading to all sorts of psychological disturbances.

With Pisces rising your sensitivity is both your gift and your challenge. Learning to recognize the impulses and feelings that stir through you for what they are, and then find an outlet for their expression is most useful. Focusing on the qualities given by your Sun and Moon signs will also help you define a path through life. Other people often provide the discrimination, caution and common sense that this sign needs to develop. Thus you may prefer to partner with more analytical types who can give a rational, no-nonsense assessment of any situation. There may be a tendency to project onto others your romantic ideas for yourself, and judge and criticize those who do not meet up to this vision, rather than to foster realistic expectations and limits within the self. With Pisces rising you may need to balance great compassion, creativity and sensitivity with the constant urge of wanting to escape from your individual self (and sometimes life) by merging with something greater than your self. This may be a romantic ideal, a spiritual dream or a nihilistic vision with no future. Whatever the image is, your challenge is to learn how to manifest your many gifts, and at the same time, stay grounded on the earthly plane.

Anotações: aula de processo criativo com Charles Watson

Uso e exploração de uma linguagem que permita sair do pessoal para o universal. Só a linguagem é uma questão. Evitar pensar pode criar uma linha direta com o inconsciente, mas a linguagem não está lá, e dentro do universo dela existe o olhar do outro.

“Eu não posso me ver, eu preciso do outro para olhar pra mim.”
Inventar meios de estar fora do sistema para estar nele.

Arte e religião: onde não é preciso aturar o peso do eu.
Envolver-se com algo que é maior que o eu.
Transcender o que é limitante sobre o eu através da linguagem.
(pesquisar as diferenças fundamentais entre técnica e linguagem)

Arte contemporânea: o processo x o resíduo

Processo criativo: inserção do anárquico -> se desvincular da questão
internalizar x sair do feixe de conhecimento cristalizado
sair da zona de conforto
questão -> estudo -> ação previsível x ação imprevisível
inserção do imprevisível: construção de narrativas a partir desse elemento até a questão
-> o valor está exatamente no percorrer dessa distância
Procurar descrever o problema de maneiras diferentes.

“Insight é o súbito fim da burrice.”

“Quanto mais algo é o que é, menos pode ser outra coisa.”

Oráculo: olhar para fora, externalizar e achar ordem interna no externo.
Na tentativa de copiar o outro é até possível achar a si mesmo. Copiando a si mesmo é impossível se achar.

cruelty

according to wikipedia, “Cruelty can be described as indifference to suffering, and even positive pleasure in inflicting it. If this habit is supported by a legal or social framework, then it receives the name of perversion.^{[citation needed]}Sadism can also be related to this form of action or concept.

Cruel ways of inflicting suffering may involve violence, but affirmative violence is not necessary for an act to be cruel. For example, if a person is drowning and begging for help, and another person is able to help, but merely watches with disinterest or perhaps mischievous amusement, that person is being cruel — rather than violent.”

the obvious necessity of remembering

Like you, I too have struggled, with all my might, not to forget.
Like you, I forgot.
Like you, I longed for a memory beyond consolation, a memory of shadows and stone. For my part I struggled every day with all my might, against the horror of no longer understanding the reason to remember. 
Like you, I forgot.

Why deny the obvious necessity of remembering?

…

Just as the illusion exists in love, the illusion you can never forget, so I was under the illusion I would never forget Hiroshima. Just like with love.

– Hiroshima Mon Amour, Alan Resnais.

difficult

“if the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. if it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. but i arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. this makes it hard to plan the day.”

-E. B. White, 1976

there was blood

there was blood on your face
your thin long fingers
– a dog barking outside –
you were a photograph
forever still like the sun coming in from the eternal sunset on the end of paradise
there was a knife twisting on the chest
spinning, speeding
– I wish I could get used to your presence.

Love is like life but longer

“Love is like life but starts before, continues after. We arrive and depart in the middle.”